step one, step one...

Okay, so I said I'd be transparent, right?

I think I'm regretting that now...

Chris broke up with me on Sunday night.

I don't really want to talk details yet. I wasn't ready for this at all, so if you wouldn't mind saying a few prayers for me: for sleep, for the minimal amount of tissues to be used, for productivity at work, and for good times with friends.

I'm trying to stay so busy, because when I'm not, it gets bad. Ugly, red, puffy, makeup-smeared crying face.
(I'm all about sleepovers, too. I've had friends over but then end up breaking down after they leave. Just stay with me forever and I'll never be sad!)

This seems very...cheesy, but this song was stuck in my head this morning, and I think it's perfect for me right now. I can't listen to it unless I'm by myself though, because I will cry. A lot.

reborn and shivering

spat out on new terrain

unsure, unconvincing

this faint and shaky hour

day one, day one, start over again

step one, step one

I'm barely making sense for now

I'm faking it 'till I'm pseudo making it

from scratch begin again, but this time I as I

and not as we

gun shy and quivering

timid without a hand

feign brave with steel intent

little and hardly here

day one, day one, start over again

step one, step one

with not much making sense just yet

I'm faking it 'till I'm pseudo making it

from scratch begin again, but this time I as I

and not as we

eyes wet toward

wide open frayed

if God's taking bets

I pray He wants to lose

day one, day one, start over again

step one, step one

I'm barely making sense just yet

I'm faking it 'till I'm pseudo making it

from scratch begin again, but this time I as I

and not as we

-Alanis Morissette's "Not As We"

PS - Thank you, friends, who have already reached out and kept me busy & positive. I wish I could rewind or fast forward a few months so I'd just feel better, but that's not how this works. Friends are the next best thing.

PPS - Please do not call me or come to me to talk about it at work...I will just cry at you. Sorry. Texts and emails are ok. :)