vulnerability

I watched (mostly listened to) a couple of Brené Brown TED talks yesterday morning, found on this blog post from Emerging Mummy. The title, "In which vulnerability is true courage," caught my eye.
(If you have the time, I would HIGHLY recommend watching these two talks, especially if you have issues with anxiety, depression, shame, or being vulnerable. Or, if you are human.)

I'm so glad I clicked.

It made me feel...powerful, almost. Something inside me fell into place.

Yesterday was the first day that I didn't have to use a tissue either walking to my car or on my drive home...during lunch OR after work. Instead of crying over my lost love, I was beaming in the courageousness of my vulnerability.

I'm NOT better. I'm still hurting. I still cry. I still feel sick to my stomach. I still haven't told my parents. (I don't care to have the "I'm never getting grandchildren!" talk again, yet.)

But.

I felt stronger yesterday. I feel stronger today.

Because I was vulnerable.

Yes, it's still hard for me to say the words, to tell some of my stories out loud...but I'm writing about it, and I'm letting everyone read it.
Am I a little upset that I didn't start therapy years ago instead of now? Of course. Do I wish I would have been more vulnerable with Chris than I was? Absolutely.

Baby steps.

Brené Brown said, "When we reach out and are vulnerable, we get the shit beat out of us."

That is true.

But you risk that because someone will also call you brave, or inspirational, or beautiful, or strong.

And you are all those things.