Monday, March 26, 2012

so many tissues

This has been my worst day since the night he broke up with me. I even left work a little early because I was about to burst. (I had to have my trusty tissue - okay, tissues - with me during my walk to my car.)

Using my cognitive behavioral techniques, I tried to "squash" my anxious thoughts right away...but I wasn't very good at it today. Everything is making me cry.

A man on a TV show telling his wife how beautiful she is.
That stupid Fancy Feast commercial with a kitten wearing a "Will you marry us?" charm on its collar.
Seeing my own cat and thinking about how well Chris loves her.
Making a two-person meal and having leftovers.
Filling up my dishwasher half as fast.
(And ugh, now they're dancing to "Marry You" on Dancing with the Stars.)


"Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?" - Matthew 6:26 & 27

I understand that I will be taken care of, that everything will work out in the end. I know this. But...I'm impatient. And anxious.
Just thinking about someone new makes me sick to my stomach.
(I actually had a couple dreams that boys were hitting on me, and I got upset...because they weren't Chris.)

At this moment, I just wish I was married. I just wish I felt safe.

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