Monday, April 23, 2012


Um, I started going to boxing fitness classes.
Not tae-bo, not kickboxing...ACTUAL boxing. Gloves, wraps, bags.

Me? Boxing? Hahaha.
I didn't think it would be my cup of tea, but since the first session is complimentary, I decided why not?

Wow, it kicked my butt and I could barely move for three days, but it was so, so good. I have never been sweatier or stinkier in my life, I'm fairly certain.

My friend has a membership and goes often, which I think is great, but I was a little apprehensive about paying to work out (I have a NICE gym at my apartment complex) and driving 20 minutes to get there a couple times a week.

But, another one of my friends who lives near me decided to start going regularly. Hello, carpooling!
So, I bought my 10-session punchcard today.

It's been fun getting to hang out with my girls, and I feel better about myself. Even if I don't lose weight or change shape, I will still feel like I LOOK better, and that's always a plus. :)
And, according to the Journal of Mental Heath and Physical Activity, just two workouts a week has been proven to ease the affects of Generalized Anxiety Disorder. YES!

This will be a fun adventure.

Friday, April 13, 2012

this is my Saturday

I read this amazing, AMAZING blog post on the Saturday between Good Friday and Easter Sunday.

I know what to reflect on and how to feel on the day of Jesus' death and subsequent resurrection, but what about the day in-between?
RefineUs' blog post nailed it (oh, no pun intended):

My favorite parts? "Sometimes my dream has to die before God can give birth to His vision," and " are not in a season of defeat but a season of preparation."

I'm definitely living in my Saturday right now. Friday came and it SUCKED; I can't see the Sunday that is coming. I know it's out there somewhere...but what/when is it?!

In other news, I'm trying to decide if I want to get some wispy side bangs at my next hair cut (a little over a week from now) and/or if I finally want to get my wrist tattoo.
I wanted to do both of them in the past, but was worried about what I would look like/what others would think.
But, even now, I've been going back and forth from excitement to unsureness. Maybe I don't really want either?

It's weird trying to figure out what I want, for once.

Wednesday, April 4, 2012

I feel better.

Our talk on Sunday evening had the best possible outcome, I think.
(Thank you all who prayed for me and him and us!)

I feel better. I don't feel GOOD (because we're not together), but I was expecting exactly that.
I got answers, and that was what I wanted most...not a feeling afterwards.

I can't believe how much I've learned about myself in the past 3 weeks.
I started going to therapy for anxiety, but I've now gotten relationship advice AND counseling for grief management. I definitely wasn't planning on all that, but it's been incredibly helpful.

New things I've learned:
• I'm poor at communicating. (I think a lot of people are, though. One reason why I think everyone needs a therapist!)
• I like to stay "safe" in my relationships. Safe is boring!
• I stop doing things I love when I'm scared/fearful of abandonment.
• I need to talk about my feelings! I already learned it's okay to feel my feelings, but I also need to share them with those it affects.
• I need to be more intentional about working on relationships (and friendships!). I can be...lazy? I don't know if that is the best word, because I love my friends and loved my relationship with Chris...but I don't do very well at reaching out all the time, I guess.
• There are three intimacies I should always work on in a relationship with a significant other: physical, emotional (including romance and spiritual), and intellectual. (Just a great piece of advice from my therapist.)
• I need to trust my gut more.
• I shouldn't minimize my needs and desires. I need to tell people (especially a significant other) when I need something from them.

I could probably go on for days, but I won't do that.

In the end, I realize that I can't be with someone who has doubts, who is not for me 100%; I need to be with someone who ONLY sees me in their future. Period.
And I'm okay with that. I am enough. :)

Note: Chris did not break up with me because of my anxiety. He actually felt really terrible about ending things with me because he knew breaking up with me has always been a really big worry for me. He didn't want to set me back with my therapy.