Sunday, February 26, 2012

waiting game

Chris has been gone for over a week, but he comes back tomorrow evening! I need it to be 24 hours from now...

I try to make a lot of plans when he's out of town so I'm occupied with SOMETHING. Sometimes, I feel like I just sit, waiting for time to pass. (I'm really not trying to sound dramatic. I said I was going to be here it is.)

My therapist asked me if my anxiety was worse when Chris is out of town.
A thousand times, YES.

He is busy, so we can't talk as often as I'm used to, so my mind starts wandering.
"What if while he's gone, he decides he doesn't actually miss me and doesn't want to be with me?!" Etc.
Just a side note: I don't usually have anxiety about him leaving me for someone else. It's mostly that he just won't like ME, and decide to leave.

Chris really wants to help me with my anxiety, but I told him that "helping" me (aka making me feel better) would be telling me he loves me and that I'm pretty and smart and that he wants to be with me forever every 5 minutes.
In the end, that is not helping me at all. I need to believe those things without reminders 24/7.
(I'm sure my therapist will eventually give some pointers to Chris for how to deal with me, but for now...I want him to keep being his normal, wonderful self.)

I think it's time for me to have my calming tea.

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