Tuesday, May 1, 2012

I care what you think

...and I shouldn't.

Well, I should care what you think to a point. I should be considerate, but I need to stop putting my needs & happiness on hold to "keep the peace." ("Keeping the peace" being my personal perception about what peace should be...which is a little distorted.)

I am not responsible for other people's emotions or reactions. (My therapist keeps reminding me of this.) I should not alter what I need to say or do for the mere possibility not everyone will react positively.
I'm incredibly empathetic. I get sad when you are sad. I hurt when you hurt. I want so badly for you to be happy, to have good things happen to you, to feel joy...but to the extreme that I will put my own needs aside to make that happen.
That is NOT healthy.
It's the reason I stayed in an abusive relationship when I should have left immediately, but I didn't want to "hurt his feelings." (Ugh.)

Chris and I have had several talks over the past 3-4 weeks. They have been good. Great, in fact. I am happy.
There is change. There is growth.


I'm battling this sick feeling in the pit of my stomach because what will people think?

Will they think it's stupid of me to get back together with someone who has broken up with me twice? Will they think we're making decisions too fast? Do they think we're not thinking (or praying) about it at all?
I've cast judgement on the couple I thought moved too fast towards marriage. I've made fun of the couple that has broken up and gotten back together 5 times. I don't want to be the one on the other side.*

The funny thing is, no one has been anything but loving and supportive of me and of us, so why would I have anxiety about these things? Why should I care how people may (or may not!) react?
I shouldn't.

*Now, I do not condone breaking up and getting back together if there is no change in either person or in the relationship as a whole. Obviously, you broke up for a reason! But, if there is change, that's a different story. Not every couple is the same. This is not a Disney movie, people!

1 comment:

  1. Girlfriend, if you both decide to get back together and you're both happy as clams, haters to the left. One of my best friends had been with her dude since high school, broke up for a few months in college, then got back together when they realized that they were complete morons for thinking they wanted to play the field. They've been together ever since and have two beautiful kiddos together (and are one of my favorite couples). You do YOU.